he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize