Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Will you blow on my dice?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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