All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
