Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
