it wasn't lemon gatorade
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
