there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
