What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
