I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize