I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
