So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize