Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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