Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Randomize
