Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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