i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
