Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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