I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
