She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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