So drunk its hurt
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
