careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
