Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
