I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
