did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
