best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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