True but thats because hes a fetus.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
P.S. I can't hear my feet
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
