those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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