Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Another day, another engagement, another cat
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
