so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
