Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
