getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
