I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
