did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
