Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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