I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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