Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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