is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
