i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize