Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he fucked my hip out of place.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize