Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
