those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
