I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
