I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
