I met the friendliest cop last night
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
