Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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