I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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