I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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