After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
