Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
