There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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