a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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