stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
