I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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