he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
