I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
