there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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