So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
