chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
