Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My vagina just clenched in fear
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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