My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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