I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
