how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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