I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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