You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
