sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
