It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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