he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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